Today I would like to talk about insecurity. I got inspired by an event that happened to me yesterday. How do you react when your boss asks you to meet with him or her in their office at the end of the day?
Well, that’s what happened to me yesterday… I’m not sure why, but it made me nervous. I started this job about 3 months ago, so a lot of things go through my mind:
Did I do something wrong? Is it only a 3 months anniversary non-official meeting?
Will I have a job by the end of the day?
My heart was pounding and all for nothing. Is was to talk about a project. haha!
Why is that? Why do we go straight to negative thinking when that happens? Is it things from the past that made me that way?
Let’s define insecurity
Insecurity is a sense of uncertainty, a feeling of being unsafe, unstable.
Sometimes our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity, that they create lies we believe.
It is so true! We imagine things sometimes and we believe them when they are made up of our own thoughts.
What are the causes?
It could be a job loss, a failure in your relationship or not meeting the goal you’ve set for yourself. Sometimes those events can change your perspective on life and can be extensively damaging and cause insecurity.
Let’s take the example of job loss. Losing your job is meant to happen at some point in your life and that’s ok. But not everyone reacts the same way. Losing your job means an income reduction and the fact you can’t just show up somewhere, you because insecure, unsure and anxious. Sometimes it could take months before finding another job. I think the longest it takes to get back to a routine the more damaging it is. Some people will always fear of losing their job because of what happened before and they don’t want to relive that stressful time in their lives.
This seems to be a growing trend nowadays. You hear about kids committing suicide because of bullying. This is a huge problem in our society and is surely a big reason for insecurity. Bullying is often tied to rejection and will lower the self-esteem and bring the victim to a high anxiety level, feeling unwanted, useless. When you’re deep into the problem, it seems to be insurmountable and the person that is being bullied will turn to darkness. This is sad and it should never happen.
Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours shine any brighter.
We are all equal after all. Why bring down someone to make you feel better?
Overly Critical Parenting
Sometimes insecurity can come from when you were a child. With a busy schedule, parents can be neglectful, critical and abusive. Often times parents will have high expectations for their children which will then add pressure on them. Occasionally, if they didn’t achieve their expectations, parents will show their disappointments and will express it in a diminishing, harch way. It will affect the child for life by reducing their self-confidence, feeling worthless. In fact, it is a lot like bullying.
Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them – Bill Ayers
We can only suggest and leave them to make their own decisions. Everyone learns in life with their own choices and mistakes.
How we reduce insecurity?
I think a big thing that we need to start focusing on. We need to BE OURSELF. Stop caring what people think. This is your life and you should enjoy it to its fullest. Yes, that may mean you will lose some friends, but when you think of it, you’ll know who your true friends are.
Don’t take anything personally, this makes it worst. Another way would be to focus on something you love doing. Playing an instrument, go to the gym for example. Whatever makes YOU happy. This will be something positive to look forward to.
Before all else, we need to be happy with ourselves first, be proud of your accomplishments. If you’re lonely, register for a class that will push you to get in contact with other people. Get involved in something positive that will make you feel good and noticed for who you are and not somebody you made up to make people happy!
Your life will get better when you realize it’s better to be alone than to chase people who don’t really care about you.
Sometimes you rely on the wrong people.
I am far from being a professional, but I am using my own experiences and thoughts. I should stress to mention that sometimes the problem is greater than what we can handle ourselves and should inquire the help of a professional. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!!
If you want to read more about the topic I found this blog post that is giving more in-depth information: The Causes of Insecurity by Dr. Gerald Stein.